| For the last week or so Ive had dreams again! Dreams of the past, and of what I wanted for my future! I found a song that I want for my site from that xanga song site but I dont know how to get it on. If anyone could help I would love it. Its amazing how music can touch a persons soul so much. Every song I have heard this morning put deep thought into my heart and mind. I heard a song by a country singer about this girl telling her boyfriend that shes walking away from all the pain, but how far will he let her go untill he decides he doesnt want her to go at all and that he will put his stupid pride aside and run after her. Martina Mcbride sings that song. I think that has to be like my favorite song shes ever done and then I heard a song by Garth Brooks called, "The Dance". I really love this song because of its truth and reality. There are times that I could have missed the hurt and the pain but that dance I could never have missed. My example to this is my relationship with Chase. One of our first dates was to the zoo. It makes me smile to think about it, but it also brings the bittersweet tears of love lost, but at the same time how can it be love lost if it still remains out there somewhere, i guess thats what it meens to be lost right? Its like a small child, innocent and sweet out there somewhere not quite sure what to make of this world sometimes. I remember that sweet innocent night I said those beautiful words I love you! The soft wind had blown across my face and I all I could hear was the quiet sound of the water and his sweet breath. And all I could see was those beautiful deep eyes staring into mine. I remember, trying to imagine what he was thinking and what he was feeling. For that one moment I wanted to be him and to see what he saw and felt what he felt and thought what he thought. I wanted to be everything to him forever. I felt innocent and young and ohhhhh how could anyone ever explain that feeling its not possible! Thats a feeling that will live alive in my heart for forever, and I meen forever. I will always remember the times he made me feel that way and there were a lot of those times.
The Song I want on my site is by Christina Milian, called, "Till I get Over You". Thats such a perfect song, infact I found it just this morning and It made me cry. I havent cried about him in a long time. I think it has to do with the fact that I saw chase the other day to give him the money for the phone. He looked so tired like he needed a rest or a break, or just a hug. My mom noticed it too. It's funny Im still not used to not being able to make him feel better. I wish some girl who was sweet and would treat him right would come and do that for him, and be someone I couldnt for some reason be for him. Sometimes I felt like when he needed me most I couldnt be there for him so I guess in some ways I dont deserve him. But the question is to I deserve any guy at all. Am I able to give a man what he needs in a women. I wasnt able to give chase that, or Tim. Maybe the truth is I cant give a man what ever it is that they need, because I just dont have it. How can you give something to someone that you dont have no matter how much to want that one thing maybe I just dont have it. Maybe I will get the courage to ask Chase what that is. The other question is, if I dont have that thing then is it possible for me to get married and to have a family?
Im switching subjects really quick because I am talking to one of my campers online who just confirmed my suspicions that she cuts herself. I hurt for her, Im trying to get her to open up, because at camp I was never able to. The deeper I dig in her the more she closes up on me.Everything she tells me reminds me of the times I deal with my anorexia dissorder. So I almost think maybe just keep her happy but that doesnt deal with the inner problem that still remains. That problem wont go away if you ignore it, you have to make progress and do something about it. Thats the story with anything in life.
Clay Aiken-I Survived You
I see the picture clear now
And the fog has lifted
The wool you tried to pull over my eyes was clever
Yeah, your gifted
But you forgot to dot some I's and cross some T's along the way
Im better now despite you baby
I'm stronger these days, stronger
I survived the crash, survived the burn
Survived the worst, yeah baby but I learned
Survived the lies, survived the blues
Almost killed me but I survived the truth
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed
I survived you
I can look in the mirror now
It's been a slow awakening
Haunted by a heart full of you
I couldn't help mistaking
That you could ever care for anyone
Anyone but yourself, hey-yeah
But you would have to have a conscience baby
Good luck, I wish you well
I survived the crash, I survived the burn
Survived the worst, yeah baby but I learned
Survived the lies, survived the blues
Almost killed me but I survived the truth
And when you wrote me off like I was doomed
I survived you
This hearts been torn in two
Cut and bruised from too many bitter endings
I'll be damned if I have thoughts of you
Rain on my new beginning.... |
